A taste of Gaza

At this moment in time i find myself in an airforce base outside Beer Sheba. A four minute flight from the gaza strip. there is a serious conflict/operation in motion. constant rocket sirens and constant stress. its more than an underestimate saying that there is a lot of tension in the air. its almost unberable the waiting. Knowing that something will come but not knowing what it is or when it will come. For me personally it has been a new experience. so much stress that you dont know what to do with it. It controls you, overcomes your choices and desires. I feel...................exhausted, removed from society, scared and tense. 4 minutes. Thats what is separating me from the insanity of the gaza strip. im not exactly sure why i feel so stressed except for the obvious, but the work is not what worries me or makes me feel tense i think its just the pent up feelings of tension...the unknown no matter what im here together with my boys. itll be okay this is what we trained for. I knew this could happen when i came. when i signed up. now its time to follow it through if you want to protect what's going on here then you gotta live through this. The question is, is it worth it? When do we say enough is enough?

My surrounding world

I returned recently from a 30 day trip back to the United States. It was the longest period of time i have been home since before i started college 3 years ago. I was sure when i left that when i was there and during my trip i would have heaps to write about. To my surprise my mind was blank, perhaps just enjoying the fact that i wasn't obligated to do anything. When i was there i remembered and saw that life is SO different there, everything seemingly more easy. So much more affluence, so much more carefree behavior. But as i looked at the faces of people, whether it be in the streets of New York or on the Subway; there seemed to be something missing. when i was there i could not quite place it. Why is it that they are not happy? Even now that im back i dont really know. Who knows? maybe they are happy and just choose not to outwardly express it. Maybe i choose not to see it. My point in all this i think is just to say that it doesent really matter where you are sometimes, it is up to us as individuals to make the decision to be happy. I seems to me at some points that our lives are futile. Not in the sense thatour actual existence is futile but more in the way we lead our lives. The constant quest for whatever it is we are pursuing that period of time is meaningless. It is as though our lives are not even in our hands and sometimes even the smallest decisions lead to a paradigm shift. I do not intend to preach about living rambunctiously or being overly cautious but i would like to comment on the vast expanse between these two ways of life and how seemingly unimportant they at times. I recently saw a film, called Seven Pounds. It reiterated in a simple way how the smallest decision we make in our daily lives can alter ours and many others' lives for ever. However what struck me most about the movie was not so much what the consequences of the protagonists' actions were but the "good deeds" that he did to make up for what he did. The deeds that he did and how monumental they were are less important. What I saw in this film was that for the past few months, specifically for the past month I have been so wrapped up in myself that I have forgotten what is important in life and how fortunate I am compared to some other people on this earth. Not at all in an arrogant or elitist tone do I mean that. My only point is that my opportunities have not been numbered and I am blessed with incredible health and welfare. It is so clear to me now easy it is to be wrapped up in your own life, to forget about the community of people that are on this planet. How many challenges we face and how sometimes the only thing we can think about is where we want to have dinner? Where is our next traveling location or where is the best place to go to college? What I want to convey in this piece is the ability to be conscious. To be able to construct a balance in our lives where we can further ourselves but also keep others in mind. It is, make no mistake, a difficult task and requires constant diligence to keep ourselves in check and see where our compass is pointing. That is what I will try to keep in mind this week and as time moves forward. To keep a "zoomed out" perspective on my own life and more specifically my problems in relation to the issues challenges we are facing as a community. Perhaps for everyone else it is as least some food for thought for the new year? andrew